Becoming Greg Birch
by NoOneToBlame
Summary: Kyle is back a year after Craig accidentally blinded him. The problem besides the obvious? Craig's in love with him. Out of the blue, a stroke of good luck gives Craig the chance to have Kyle back in his life. He's willing to do whatever it takes even if it means changing his whole identity and getting help from the last person he'd want to receive it from. I suck at summaries
1. Greg Birch

This is my first fan fic, yes; I understand that Craig is a bit out of character and that I did go into a bit extensive detail about the physical descriptions of the characters.

I apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes, English is not my first language.

I do not own South Park.

Becoming Greg Birch

"Oh hey look, Kyle's back!" Bebe shouted pointing to the door. I looked down the hall and saw a long white stick followed by a boy with sunglasses adorning his eyes. I felt a jolt of guilt strike in my gut; I knew that I had caused this just a year ago. I, Craig Tucker, or Craig Fucker, as Stan had so kindly started calling me, had caused an innocent boy to lose his eyesight at just fourteen years of age. His hair was combed carefully into loose curls that framed his pixie like face. His face wasn't the only thing pixie like, he was almost half a foot shorter than the second shortest boy in the school; Tweek. As he inched nearer I saw that he had lost a considerable amount of weight, he was thin before so this worried me a bit.

"What are you staring at?" I turned around and looked down at Clyde who was about a foot shorter than I was.

"Nothing, just waiting for Kyle to come beat me with his stick or something." I muttered, only half joking.

"I wouldn't doubt if he did, I mean, if he could see you." Clyde said with a light snicker causing his dark brown eyes to light up. I rolled my eyes and turned back to my locker after gazing at Kyle one last time. He was talking to Stan, stupid Stan the Man Marsh. I hated him! With his tall, lean, slightly muscular body, his black hair and piercing blue eyes, Stan could have anyone he wanted. Except me, my heart only belonged to one person and one person only.

I sighed, knowing that Kyle would probably never want me, I surpassed everyone on the height scale, reaching 6'10, and I had arms that were too long for my body. That coined me the nickname Ape Boy. My black hair was always greasy and my steel grey eyes always seemed to scare people off instead of attracting them to me. I had grown a pencil thin moustache on my upper lip but I considered shaving it after Clyde told me it looked stupid. I hadn't yet though, I wasn't sure if listening to Clyde's advice was the right thing to do. Just then I felt a slight warm force bump into me and I found myself staring down at the top of Kyle's red hair.  
"Sorry." He muttered backing up off of me. I didn't say anything for fear that Kyle might realise just who he had bumped into. I guess he took this as a sign of me being pissed off because he shrugged his shoulders and continued walking down the hall.

"Hey." I heard the voice of my friend Token call. Surprisingly, Token didn't get as tall as everyone thought he would, at 5'8, he was two inches shorter than Clyde.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"Did you know that Kyle's back?"

I nodded.

"Maybe you should go apologise to him or something, I mean he just might forgive you." Token said with a charming smile. I just shook my head, Kyle would never forgive me. Token shrugged,

"Suit yourself." He said continuing down the hall to his debate class. Token had decided awhile back to follow in his father's footsteps and become a lawyer. Kyle's father was also a lawyer, but I knew that he never wanted to be a lawyer. He bitched about how his mother kept constantly trying to get him into debate and all that other stuff.

"You need to stop blaming yourself; you didn't know it would have happened." I heard a voice say behind me. I turned around and found myself looking into amber eyes of Wendy Testaburger. She had changed quite a bit over the years; she was the tallest girl in the school at 6'1. She had gotten her straight black hair cut short into a pixie cut, and since she was as thin as a rail people sometimes mistook her for a boy. I knew Wendy didn't care though, she had long ago stopped trying to fit into the popular crowd and she stopped caring about every little thing people thought about her. I admired her for that.

"How did you know?" I asked my best female friend. After Clyde had ditched me for Bebe and Bebe had ditched Wendy for Clyde, we found solace in each other. Nothing sexual though, our relationship was purely platonic.

"I just know these things." Wendy said giving a sly smile. I can't help but to smile back; which is something I rarely do. Just as I was about to say something, I saw Token's girlfriend Nichole walking towards us. Nichole and Token had gotten together in the fourth grade and they had been together since then. They haven't broken up once unless you count the time when Nichole thought Token was only with her because they're the same race.

"Hi!" She greeted cheerfully when she saw us. Wendy just rolled her eyes and muttered a light 'hi' before walking off. Nichole is a sweet girl, possibly the sweetest girl I have ever met. She was always willing to lend a helping hand and to be there for whoever needed help no matter who it was. Yet, Wendy didn't like her and I didn't know why. It was possibly because she was beautiful. With her dark brown skin, braided hair adorned with colourful beads, large sparkling brown eyes, long, graceful fingers and legs, Nichole was easily one of the most beautiful girls in the school. It's not that Wendy wasn't pretty; it's just that, Nichole was in a league of her own.

"Hi Nichole, what's up?" I said.

"I was wondering if you would like to come to my pool party this Saturday." She said smiling, showing off her straight, pearly white teeth. I started doing an internal debate in my head, trying to decide if I wanted to go or not. It would probably be fun, but on the other hand, Nichole probably invited losers like Butters and Tweek, she probably even invited _Kyle._

"I'll see if I can go." I finally said after a few minutes of contemplating.

"Okay, great!" Nichole said cheerfully before skipping off. Just then, the bell rang and I reluctantly walked to my first class of the day; Science.

When I went into the Science classroom, I groaned when I saw that each desk had a little green paper apple on it with different students' names on them. What did they think we were in? Elementary school?

"Class, sit down, as you can see, I assigned you seats, now sit down." The man said in a fast, rushed voice, like his mouth worked ahead of his brain. I sighed and sat down in the desk with my name on it. My desk was two rows back and three seats to the left. I was pretty much right smack dab in the middle. My heart nearly stopped in my throat when I saw Kyle take the seat next to mine. Why was he in this class? Why wasn't he in the Special Ed class with Timmy and Jimmy? Just then, he took out a small laptop sized device that looked like a type writer.

"What's that?" I asked finally letting my curiosity get the better of me.

"It's called a brailler, it's like a type writer but the keys are in braille so it makes it possible for me to type up my notes." Kyle said with a light smile that showed off his slightly crooked teeth. I was shocked; obviously he recognised my voice, why wasn't he yelling at me?

"Oh, that's cool." I said a bit shakily, as if Kyle might suddenly strike up and knock me out with his stick. Kyle wrung his hands and looked down in his lap before blushing furiously.  
"So, who are you? I've never been good at putting faces and voices together but I'm going to guess Clyde." He finally said letting out a huge sigh, as if saying that lifted a heavy weight from his chest.

"I'm Greg, I'm new." I lied. I wanted to find out how Kyle truly felt about me before I revealed my true self.

"Gregory? The self-righteous dick?" Kyle asked with confusion. I shook my head and then I mentally face palmed myself after I realised Kyle couldn't see my actions.  
"No, Greg Birch." I said thinking of the surname of one of my favourite actresses.

"That's a nice name." Kyle said with a light smile. I couldn't help but to smile back, here this boy was supposed to hate me and he was talking with me like I was a good friend.

"Alright class, listen up." The teacher said meekly, trying to sound tough as he ran his hand across his already sweating forehead.

"I decided that since it's the first day of school, you may feel free to talk amongst yourselves." He said before literally diving into his desk chair and burying his nose in a book. Kyle looked disappointed, Science was his favourite subject, and he was probably looking forward to learning something new. I, however, was as happy as a pig in a mud puddle.

"So, I guess since we're next to each other we should talk or something, that is if you want." Kyle said with a hint of nervousness.

"Yea, that will be fun." I said with a smile.

"So, how are you?" Kyle asks, reaching into his hoodie pocket. I'm about to ask what he's doing when he pulls out an eraser and starts _chewing _on it.

"What are you doing?" I asked with my left eyebrow cocked. I am currently in awe of what the small boy in front of me is doing. Why didn't I ever notice him doing this before?

"I have pica; I prefer to eat erasers and other things of the same sort of substance, rubber I guess." He said like it was no big deal at all.

"Ha, Jew boy likes to eat rubbers." I heard a voice behind me snicker; I turned around and saw myself staring into the light brown eyes of Eric Cartman. Cartman had changed a bit, at six foot six he was the second tallest person in the school. He had his brown hair cut into crew cut and he had a pair of horn rimmed glasses perched up on his pudgy nose. He was still fat, but with his height he looked extremely intimidating and it was difficult for people to make fun of his weight.

"Shut up Cartman." I muttered rolling my eyes at him.

"Or what _Greg?"_ He asked with a raised brow. I sighed, knowing he had won this one.

"That's what I thought." He said with a smirk, focusing his attention on the story he was writing. Cartman wrote stories a lot, they were mostly full of gore and so graphic that they could put The Human Centipede to shame, but some were good.  
"Thanks for standing up for me; I really don't feel like messing with that fat shit today." Kyle said touching my arm lightly. My heart started pounding in my chest and I could feel a hot blush rise to my face. I was grateful that Kyle couldn't see.

"No problem." I said smiling at him.  
"So, tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?" I ask, stalling for time because I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to say. Kyle chews on his eraser and wrinkles his forehead as he thinks.

"What's your favourite subject?" He finally asks.  
"Math." I answer easily. He wrinkles his nose a bit in distaste, if there is one Jewish stereotype that Kyle doesn't fit into; it's the affinity with Math.

"Mine is Science." He says finally. Just then, the bell rings.  
"What's your next class?" Kyle asks picking up his brailler and putting it back into his bag before unfolding his stick. The length of time it takes him to do it isn't as long as I thought it would be. I guess he learned a lot in the year he was off recovering and going to the blind school up in North Park.

"English." I say, hoping he has the same class.

"Aw, I have Maths." He says with a slight pout.

"What do you have after?" I ask, curious to see what classes I have with him.

"Well, my schedule is Science, Maths, Home Economics, History, Lunch, English, and Gym." He says. I wonder how he can participate in Gym and Home Economics but I say nothing, instead I start telling him my classes.  
"I have Science, English, Shop Class, History, Lunch, Maths, and Gym."

"At least we have three classes together." He says with a light smile. I nod and smile, but I wish I could have more classes with him.  
"We better go; we don't want to be late." I say, not really wanting to leave. He nods with agreement and takes off down the hall, as fast as he's daring to go. I quickly run and plop down in the only seat left open in my English room a millisecond before the bell rings. I groan when I turn and see it's by Stan Marsh.

"Hey Craig Fucker." He greets me with a sneer, showing off his perfectly white straight teeth. He looked like a fucking shark. Everything about him was perfect, his hair, his skin, his teeth, his clothes, you name it. Fucking perfect.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I finally ask after a year of being tortured by Stan. I guess seeing Kyle had finally given me the courage to stand up to him.

"Why do I hate you? I can't believe you're asking me this! Um, let's see, you blind my best friend and then you steal my girlfriend." He says with pure malice dripping out of his mouth.

"I didn't steal your girlfriend, Wendy is with Henrietta." I say with a slight eye roll before flipping him off. His blue eyes widen in shock at hearing this.  
"The Goth?" He asks with shock. I don't say anything, I just nod, amused at how shocked he is about this.

"Oh hey fellas, can I borrow a pencil?" Butters asks rubbing his knuckles together nervously, a habit he has been doing since he was young. Butters has changed quite a bit, he was tall, about six foot four, and kind of chubby. He looked a bit like Neville in the first few Harry Potter films with short blond hair.

"Sure." Stan says handing him a pencil while I just flip him off. Butters gave me an expression of hurt before walking back to his desk.

"Alright class, everyone take out your literature books and open them to page one sixty-two." The teacher, Mrs Tallow, said walking up to the front of the classroom. Heidi raised a perfectly manicured hand in the air.  
"Why aren't we starting at page one?" She asks in her annoying high pitched voice.

"Just do as I say." Mrs Tallow said with slight annoyance. I shrugged and opened my book and saw the story that we would be reading was called The Gift of the Magi. 

"What did you all think?" Mrs Tallow said after she had finished reading the story, she had said that we would be doing popcorn reading before the week was over.

"It was so sad how Della cut her long beautiful hair off so she could get her husband a chain for his pocket watch." Bebe said dabbing her green eyes with a handkerchief.

"Yea, but too bad the douche already sold his watch so he could get some stupid chick some hair things for her stupid hair." Cartman scoffed.

"It wasn't stupid! It was totally romantic but I doubt you could understand that!" A girl from the other side of the room snapped. Pretty soon, a full blown argument was going on about whether Jim was a douche for selling his pocket watch. Mrs Tallow just watched the fight with a pleased gleam in her pale blue eyes. I just sat there and flipped everyone off. I was grateful when the bell finally rang and it was time to go to Shop Class. When I arrived in the shop building, the teacher pointed a meaty finger at me and told me to get out.

"Why?" I protested.

"Apparently you started a huge fight during Shop Class in elementary school and I was told not to let you in my class, I already enrolled you in Home Economics." He said in a deep gruff voice. I sighed with annoyance and flipped him off before heading over to the other end the school to Home Economics. On the plus side, I would be in the same class as Kyle, but I didn't want to be making muffins all through grade ten! When I arrived at the Home Economics classroom, I quickly shoved past Butters and took a seat beside Kyle.  
"I was going to sit there!" Butters whined before pouting.

"Too bad." I muttered flipping him off. Butters gave me a slight glare before taking a seat beside Tweek.

"Gahh! This is too much pressure man!" Tweek screamed out tugging at his wild blond hair. I rolled my eyes; the teacher hadn't even entered the classroom yet.

"What if the teacher was abducted by aliens, man? What if that's why she isn't here yet!?" Tweek screamed out with his small body shaking. I cocked my eyebrow, thinking about how he kind of read my mind.

"It's okay, she'll be here soon." Butters said putting a soothing hand on Tweek's back. As if on cue, the teacher arrived carrying a basket of realistic looking pretend babies.

"As you can see, I am starting your semester project a little early." She said holding up the basket for the kids in the back to see.  
"Why?" Clyde asked from behind me.

"The principal said he wants the middle school to participate in taking care of these babies too since so many twelve year olds think that it's cool to get pregnant." The teacher muttered with a sigh.

"What do we have to do?" Clyde then asked.

"Find a partner and take care of this baby for the next month, there is a camera in the baby so it will be monitored if you curse at it or something."

"Didn't we do this in the third grade?"

"You're full of questions today aren't you Clyde?" The teacher said raising a brow. Clyde shrugged and sank a bit in his seat.

"This will be much harder than taking care of an egg, this baby will cry, ear piercing howls, and it will be very hard to stop. You will be graded on how well you take care of your baby, how many times it cries, what you say to it, and how long it takes you to quiet it without breaking it, understood?"

The class nodded.

"Will we be able to pick which gender we want?" A girl towards the front asked.

"No, after you pick a partner, one of you will come up to the front and draw a name out of this basket, be warned though, on some of the papers they have twins!" The teacher exclaimed.

"Want to be partners?" I asked Kyle.  
"Sure." He said lightly. Behind me I could hear Cartman snigger and call us 'fags' under his breath. I rolled my eyes, why the hell was he in all of my classes? I almost started laughing when Butters walked up to Cartman's table.

"Would you like to be partners?" He asked nervously.

"Fuck off Butters." Cartman said shooting the boy down. Butters hung his head dejectedly and trudged slowly towards the other side of the room.

"You're lucky Butters asked you, it's not like anyone else is going to!" Kyle snapped.

"Please Kahl; everyone would rather be with me than a kid who can't even see." Cartman scoffed.

"He can't help if he can't see." Clyde said coming to Kyle's rescue, Kyle smiled at him. I however wanted to punch him, I was supposed to be Kyle's knight in shining armour, **not** Clyde.

"Whatever, people would still rather be with me than that Jew." Cartman said.  
"Then why does he already have a partner and you don't?" I said with a sneer. Cartman crossed his arms and turned back to his story, knowing that he had lost this argument. I then started to wonder why Cartman hadn't blown my cover to Kyle, he could have easily won the argument that way and knowing Cartman, he didn't give up that early.

"Meet me after class." I whispered to him. Cartman raised a brow at me.  
"I suppose I could fit you into my busy schedule." He said with slight annoyance. About fifteen minutes later, Butters had finally paired up with Tweek and Cartman ended up being partners with Bebe.

"Why aren't you partners with Bebe?" I asked Clyde.  
"We broke up last week." Clyde said with a light shrug of his shoulders. I felt kind of bad when I noticed that he was the only one without a partner. The teacher noticed this too.

"Clyde, it looks like you're our single parent, it is okay though, and there are a lot of single parents in real life." The teacher said. Clyde nodded. I was surprised he didn't cry; Clyde is pretty sensitive.

"Alright, Butters and Tweek, come draw a gender out of the basket." The teacher said after over half the class had already received theirs. Red and Jason ended up getting twins.

"We got a girl!" Butters exclaimed after he had unfolded the small piece of paper that he had pulled out of the basket.

"Congratulations." The teacher said placing a baby in a pink hat in Tweek's arms. As soon as she did that, the baby let out an ear piercing howl.

"Ah! It's going to kill me!" Tweek screeched out dropping the baby. The baby's head fell off and started rolling towards Bebe.  
"Attack of the demon baby head!" Someone screamed causing Bebe to screech out and jump on her desk.

"Oh hamburgers! My daughter is dead! I am getting an F for sure!" Butters cried out before tearing out of the classroom.

"Here's our chance to talk." Cartman muttered, grabbing me with his meaty hands and pulling me out into the hall.

"So, how can I be of service?" He asked, trying to sound as professional as possible.  
"Why didn't you blow my cover to Kyle? I mean you could have easily won the argument that way."  
When I said this, Cartman started to chuckle lightly.

"All in good time Craig, all in good time." He said smugly.

"So, you're not going to tell me?" I snapped. He shook his head and his face broke out into a huge shit eating grin.

"There are some things you need to fix though, how are you going to keep your friends from blowing your cover, or your teachers for that matter? You may be able to convince your little friends to lie for you but I doubt you can convince the teachers."

I nodded because I knew he was right.  
"What should I do?" I then asked.

"Go home, change your look, and pretend to be your cousin or something."

"Anything else?" I asked.

"You need to work on your attitude a bit." Cartman answered.

"What attitude?" I asked flipping him off.

"That attitude." He said pointing at my middle finger. I understood what he meant; I would have to lay low on the flipping off. It would be hard though, flipping the bird was my trade mark, hell, my parents and sister started flipping people off after they realised how fun it could be!

"Meet me after school." Cartman muttered right after the bell rang.  
"Dude, guess what?" Clyde said as he started walking out of the Home Economics classroom.  
"What?" I asked.

"We're doing a different project; Ms Bing said that only the females get to take care of the babies now." He said happily.

"What are we going to do?" I asked. Clyde shrugged and bit his lip thoughtfully before speaking.

"It seemed odd, how Kyle is your partner and how he's not even mad at you, well he doesn't seem mad." He said tapping his chin with his index finger.

"Maybe he has an ulterior motive." I lied; I knew exactly why Kyle wasn't being mean to me.

"It doesn't matter though, my cousin is going to come take my place tomorrow, and I don't have time to worry about Kyle." I added. Clyde's eyes widened and filled with tears as soon as those words left my mouth.

"W-why didn't you t-tell me? Will y-you be gone f-forever?" He stammered out.

"I'll only be gone a little while, my mother called me before Home Economics and said that my aunt called and said she wanted her beach bum surfer son to see what snow was like."  
Clyde nodded and a light smile appeared on his face.

"I suppose that could be nice." He said.

"Yea, maybe you can teach him how to build a snow fort or something." I shrugged before heading off to History class.

As soon as I walked into the classroom, Cartman threw a wadded up piece of paper at me which ended up hitting me in the chest.

"Read it." He mouthed at me silently after I had glared at him. I flipped him off and unrumpled the paper before reading it.

_Dear Craig (Greg),_

_I am pleased to inform you that I have accepted to be your mentor on helping you fool the school. There are a few important things that need to be done though._

_We must change your look, wardrobe and everything._

I stopped reading for a minute, I never asked him for his help and I didn't see what my wardrobe had to do with anything. I wasn't even sure if I wanted his help, I mean all of his plans seem to go awry but on the other hand, desperate times call for desperate measures. I sighed and continued reading.

_Change your voice a little; stop using the same boring monotone voice that is a part of Craig Tucker. You can still use it around Kyle since he is apparently too stupid to know it's you._

_Remember all the stories you make up about your false identity and don't make up anything too bizarre. _

_Don't invite anyone over to your house. _

_Don't immediately flock to Clyde and Token; hang out with people you don't usually hang out with._

_Sincerely,_

_Eric T Cartman._

I read over Cartman's 'rules' before writing back a response on my own piece of paper.

_Dear Cartman,_

_I can honestly say that I'm not thrilled at the idea of your help, but I guess I do need it. I told Clyde that my cousin will be switching places with me tomorrow; I also told him that he is a beach bum surfer guy. Should he be from Florida or California? They both seem to be where a surfer guy would be from._

_From,_

_Craig._

I crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it at Cartman who read it and started to write his response. As he was doing that, I directed my attention over to Kyle who was sitting across the room and chewing on his eraser.

"Stop staring Mr Tucker." Mr Cork muttered, taking his off of the paper he was reading. At the sound of my surname, I could see Kyle snap his head up and look wildly across the room. His lips were pursed in a way that either looked like anger or fear; I suspected it could be both.

"It's okay Kahl, don't fear the big bad Craig, he's leaving tomorrow." Cartman called out to the frantic boy. I couldn't believe that Cartman had tried to calm Kyle down (in his own weird way) and that he was actually helping me even more.  
"Really?" Kyle asked in a small voice.

"Yes." Cartman said before throwing another wadded piece of paper at me.

_Craig,_

_Your 'cousin' should be from Florida. To look like a proper beach bum, we should bleach your hair and get you a spray on tan. Also, you need to shave your stupid moustache, I mean everyone and their dogs can tell it's you by looking at that thing. _

_From,_

_Eric._

I sighed, not really wanting to bleach my hair or get a spray on tan, but I decided that in the end it would be worth it.

"Are we going to have a lesson?" Wendy asked. Mr Cork shook his head.

"But we need to have a lesson, how are we going to learn anything?" She demanded. Mr Cork just grunted and continued to read his paper. Wendy glared and stomped out of the classroom. I expected Mr Cork to tell her to come back in and sit down, he didn't though, and he just continued to read that damn paper. I was glad when the hell had finally rung and I was able to go to lunch. I had made it half way through the day without Kyle figuring out who I was. I could tell by his expression when he heard my name in History that he wasn't going to forgive me anytime soon. After I received my lunch (a tuna fish sandwich with tater tots) I went and sat at my usual table. I felt the bile rush up into my throat when I saw Stan with his arms around Kyle, they were sitting from the table across from mine. I angrily slammed the fork down into one of my tots and shoved it in my mouth, of course they would end up being together, and everyone could spot it from a mile off.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did your tater tots say something you didn't like?" Clyde teased as he came and sat down.

"Nope." I answered simply; I didn't want to tell him the real reason of my anger. I then felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulder when I saw Rebecca walk over to Stan and kiss him full on the lips.

At Gym class, I was disappointed to see that Kyle was not in there, he had told me that he had Gym this hour, in fact, all grade ten boys had Gym this hour.

"Where's the Jew? I wanted to pummel him." Cartman asked Stan, I didn't much like he said about wanting to pummel Kyle, but I was glad he asked.

"He's scared, he knows Craig will be in here, he lied to the coach and said he wasn't feeling well, so the coach told him to go lay down in the nurse's office." Stan replied.

"Damn, Craig must have really fucked him up." Cartman muttered.

"He did, when Kyle was in the hospital, he kept waking up and screaming about Craig trying to kill him." Stan said shooting the basketball in the hoop, we were supposed to be having a shoot off, but instead we were all mostly just talking and doing the occasional shooting.

"Did Craig blind Kyle on purpose?" Kenny asked, I hadn't even noticed he was there.

"Kyle said that Craig told him that he would never be able to see my pretty smile ever again, I think that sentence says it all, that Craig did mean to blind Kyle." As soon as those words left Stan's mouth, my own mouth opened in a shocked gasp. Yes, I had said that to Kyle, but I meant that I was going to knock out all of Stan's teeth so he wouldn't have his pretty smile anymore, not that I was going to blind Kyle!

"How did he know that Kyle wasn't going to move out of the way?" Kenny asked.

"Everyone knows Kahl has the slowest reflexes known to man." Cartman said with a yawn. So much for trying to help me. As if Cartman was reading my mind, he turned to me and gave me a slight wink, I guess to show me he was still on my side. After Gym ended, I quickly slipped out of the school with Cartman close behind me.

"Are you ready to become Greg Birch?" He asked when we stepped out onto the grass.


	2. Wtf Clyde?

When we arrived at Cartman's house, he quickly walked me over to his couch.  
"Sit here and don't touch anything, I need to go to the store and get the hair dye, we already have a spray on tan kit here." He said.

I almost asked him why he had a spray on tan kit at his house but then I remembered who his mother was. As soon as Cartman walked out the door, I stood up and walked over to his DVD collection and started going through it despite his commandment not to touch anything.

"The Fox and the Hound." I muttered with a slight laugh at the first DVD that I picked up. After I looked through half of Cartman's DVDs I began to grow bored so I walked back and sat on the couch, not even a minute after, Cartman walked through the door with a plastic bag hooked around his meaty arm.

"Ah, it's good to see you haven't moved." Cartman said with a slightly wicked smile. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here, Cartman was crazy, maybe he was planning on murdering me or something. Oh snap out of it, you're beginning to sound like that nerd Tweek. I scolded myself.

"So, are you ready to get started?" Cartman asked pulling out a box of stuff to bleach my hair with.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I muttered. I shivered when Cartman squirted some of the stuff in my hair and it ended up running down my neck. It was cold, and it smelled, I couldn't wait for it to be over.

"Can I wash it out now?" I asked as soon as he had finished coating my hair in the cold, smelly liquid.

"No, you have to wait about thirty minutes." Cartman replied. I groaned; I really didn't want to keep this stuff in my hair for thirty minutes. As the time passed by, I began to grow more uncomfortable as the stuff started to become warm, but a comforting warm though, a burning warm. The odd part was it was also still cold. During the agonising wait, Cartman was calling from a pre-paid phone to tell the teachers and everyone about my switch with my cousin. I was really impressed on how well he could impersonate my mother's voice.  
"Show time." Cartman said a few minutes after he had hung up the phone. I quickly raced into the restroom and started rinsing the horrid stuff out of my hair.

"Now, time for the hair cut." Cartman said bursting into the room while I was towel drying my hair.  
"I'm not dressed yet!" I shrieked out, turning my naked self around to glare at Cartman.

"It's not like you don't have anything I haven't seen before." He smirked.

"What are you looking at?" I demanded, I could have sworn he was looking at my penis.

"Nothing, I just expected you to be bigger." He shrugged.

"That's because I'm not hard." I muttered. Even if I was fully hard, my seven incher would look tiny compared to my tall frame.

"Well, get dressed, we need to do this as quickly as possible." Cartman said leaving the bathroom so I could get dressed. When I left the restroom, Cartman sat me down in a chair and started chopping my hair. When he was done, I looked in the mirror and saw yellow/orange hair that was cut into choppy layers.

"I look like my little sister attacked my hair." I muttered.

"No dude, I googled surfer bums, that's how all the short haired guys were wearing their hair." He said.

"Now, time for that spray on tan." He said before I could reply. The tanning process felt weird, it was wet and cold.

"All done." Cartman said about ten minutes later. I looked into the mirror and saw a tan, blond haired, grey eyed boy staring back at me.

"Perfect." Cartman said standing back to admire his work. Then he started pulling something else out of the bag he had brought the hair stuff in with.

"Put these inside your shoes, they'll make you about two inches taller."

"Wait! I'm already six foot ten! I don't need to be taller!" I gasped out in shock; I didn't want to feel even more awkward than I already did about my height.

"It would be weird if you and your cousin were the same height and we both know we can't make you shorter." Cartman said firmly.

"Fine." I sighed putting the things in my shoes. After I stood up, Cartman started laughing.  
"What's so funny?" I demanded.

"I was just thinking about how many of these Kahl would need to reach five feet." Cartman laughed harder with tears streaming down his round face. I rolled my eyes and told him to shut up.

"I'll be over tomorrow with your new wardrobe." Cartman said ushering me out the door after a slight awkward silence. I nodded and walked out the door to go to my house.

The next day, I arrived at school wearing blue shorts with a white design on the legs and a white polo shirt.

"Hey, you must be Craig's cousin." Clyde greeted me with a smile.  
"Hey dude, yea, I'm Greg." I said, trying as hard as I could to sound like a surfer guy.

"What's with him?" I asked pointing to Kyle, who had just arrived and was feeling his way down the hall with his cane.

"He's blind, thanks to an accident caused by your cousin." Clyde said. It was probably my imagination, but I could swear he sounded pissed. When Kyle neared us, I quickly reached over and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"What the hell is going on?" He shouted out angrily. I didn't know what possessed me to do it, maybe it was his angry red face, or maybe it was the feelings I had been hiding for so long but I started kissing him passionately.

"What the hell is going on?" Kyle repeated after I had broken off the kiss, only this time he sounded more hurt than angry. I felt a strange wave of guilt and sadness wash over me when I saw that his eyes were filled with tears. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses so I could see the damage that I had done to him, he had scars on his face around his eyes, his eyes themselves were a dull shade of greyish green, not the bright vibrant green they once were.

"Put him down." Clyde said angrily and with a force I never knew he had, he pulled me into the washroom and slammed me against one of the stalls.

"What's the big idea?" I demanded angrily.

"You shouldn't have done that to Kyle." He said lowly.

"Why not?" I asked.

"First off, Kyle is very fragile, second off, he is still super timid after what happened off, third off Kyle only recognises the touch of very few people, if he doesn't recognise your touch he will flip out, fourth off, he is mine." Clyde answered with fury burning in his eyes.

"What do you mean yours?" I asked.

"He's my boyfriend." Clyde said flatly. I couldn't believe it; my best friend since I could remember was dating the object of my affection, and it took everything in my power not to break down right there.

"Craig never told me about that." I finally managed to mutter out.

"Craig didn't know, he hated those guys so I knew he wouldn't approve, and then after he accidentally blinded him, I knew that he would have even more reason for me to not be with him. I told Kyle to pretend like we weren't together at school, so that Craig wouldn't get upset." Clyde answered with a shrug.

"How long have you been with him?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice even. I was upset that Clyde was with Kyle, but not for the reason he thought.

"We started dating the summer after grade seven, so this summer on July twenty-eighth it will be three years." Clyde said dreamily.

"I guess now that Craig's not here you can come out to the school." I said trying to sound cheerful, but inside I was dying.

"Yea!" Clyde exclaimed happily. As he started to walk out the door, he stopped and turned around,

"If I ever see you do that to Kyle again, Craig is going to be short of a cousin."

With that, he was gone and I started crying, harder than I ever cried before. Tears poured out of my shaking body, it was like I haven't ever cried in my life and all my life worries started pouring out at once. I can honestly say that I can't ever remember crying before this, I wasn't a crier.

"What's wrong with you?" Cartman asked with slight shock, he was the last person I wanted to see me like this. Instead of making fun of me for being a cry baby though, he took me in his arms and started to rock me slowly.

"Tell me what's wrong." He said after I had calmed down a little.

"Clyde is with Kyle." I choked out. Cartman's eyes widened at this and he chuckled slightly.

"Hope isn't lost Greg, couples break up, and you still have a chance." Cartman said with an evil gleam in his eyes. I then instantly knew what he meant; I had to break Clyde and Kyle up. I smiled wickedly at the plan forming in my head and I didn't feel guilty at all.

When I walked out of the washroom, I could see Stan angrily shoving books into his locker.

"Go see why Stan has sand in his vagina." Cartman said from behind me.

"Why? I hate Stan." I said flatly.

"No, Craig hates Stan, you're Greg, and if you befriend Stan then no one will suspect you." Cartman said with a wicked grin.

"Fine, I suppose I could go talk to him." I sighed as I started to walk towards Stan.

"Hey dude, what's wrong?" I asked when I reached him. Stan whipped around and gave me a cold glare,

"What the hell do you want?" He asked angrily.

"What's your problem?" I retorted; he had no reason to act like a dick towards me.

"You're related to Craig."

"I hate Craig! Who cares if I'm related to him, I mean would you like someone to judge you because of someone who you were related to?" I demanded. I was so angry, how could Stan be so insensitive?

"No, I'm sorry, I'm Stan." Stan said holding out his hand. I reluctantly shook it, it was dry and rough.

"What's wrong?" I repeated.

"The teachers noticed that Kyle was having trouble getting around so Clyde asked if he could be like his guide or whatever and he switched all his classes to Kyle's." Stan replied bitterly.

"That's a problem because?"

"I am Kyle's super best friend, I want to be the one to help him, and I know Clyde has been his boyfriend for like ever, but I always like playing the hero for Kyle." Stan muttered slamming his locker door shut.

"Sorry about that, but I have to go to Science." I said and before Stan could reply I started to run off. I sighed slightly when I reached the room and saw Clyde sitting there, gazing at Kyle with love filling his eyes, he looked absolutely smitten. I rolled my eyes and pulled out a piece of paper to write Clyde a note to get my plan on the right track, first I would apologise to get him in my good graces and then I would begin my magic.

_Dear Clyde, _

_I am sorry for kissing your boyfriend that is how we surfers from Florida greet all the disabled people, I hope we can still be friends._

_Sincerely, _

_Greg._

I wadded up the paper and threw it towards his desk; I smiled when it landed perfectly on there.

"Please stop throwing stuff." Mr Melvin said timidly. Clyde looked around before picking up the wadded piece of paper and reading it, I looked over at Kyle, who was reading a Braille book, while Clyde was writing his response.

"What are you reading?" I asked Kyle.

"Outerbridge Reach." He replied with a light smile. I was about to ask him what it was about when a crumpled piece of paper landed by the leg of my desk, I picked it up, anxious to see what Clyde had written.

_Greg,_

_I suppose I could forgive you, just don't ever do it again, okay?_

_From,_

_Clyde._

I rolled my eyes slightly; I wasn't used to Clyde being such a tough guy, I mean he always seemed like a bit of a wimp to me. I didn't see what Kyle saw in him, I mean he was chubby, whiny, and ditzy. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed all of these flaws until now. I sighed and decided to write another letter to Clyde, to figure out exactly how he felt about Kyle.

_Clyde,_

_How do you honestly feel about Kyle? _

_Sincerely,_

_Greg._

I threw the piece of paper at him and it ended up hitting him on the head.  
"You're wasting paper." Kyle muttered.

"How did you know what I was doing?" I asked in shock.

"I can hear you ripping it out of your notebook and crumpling it up and throwing it." He replied with a shrug.

"I'm bored, it's not like Mr Melvin is going to teach us anything." I said, as if that would excuse my wasting paper. Kyle just replied by laughing and turned back to his book, a few minutes later I received my reply from Clyde.

_Greg,_

_I love Kyle more than words can even begin to express, he is beautiful, intelligent, talented, and magnificent, and I mean words can't even begin to describe how amazing he is. He's the reason the sun rises every day, well, the reason my sun rises anyway. He is the light at the end of the deep dark tunnel that my life once was. I felt so unloved and unwanted before Kyle came along, I mean Bebe only dated me because she wanted shoes, sure we dated afterwards but it was all an act so Craig wouldn't know about me and Kyle. It was Kyle's idea to stay hidden, he didn't want to give Craig more of a reason to try and kill him. I wouldn't ever want anything to happen to Kyle, he is so precious and amazing and nothing short of wonderful, I love him so much. I could list all the reasons why I love him but that would take forever, plus there's not enough paper for that to fit on. Just know that I love him more than words could say.  
_

_Your Friend,_

_Clyde. _

I was glad that the bell rang right then, I didn't want to write Clyde back when I could barely contain myself. I nearly broke down into tears when I saw Clyde wrap his arms protectively and lovingly around Kyle. I wanted more than anything to be the one in his place, I wanted to be the one to protect and love Kyle. I sighed and finally turned around to walk out the door to my next class. Half of me was glad I wouldn't be with Kyle in that class, I didn't want to see him with Clyde. A plan then formed in my head that would break them up much faster. I quickly raced into the washroom to text Clyde.

_Florida sucks, it's so hot here. – Craig._

I clicked send and anxiously awaited for Clyde's reply, I was ready to get this show on the road.

_I'm sorry dude, I met your cousin, and he's kind of cool. – Clyde._

I snickered at Clyde's reply; he thought I was kind of cool.

_So, is there anything you want to tell me? - Craig._

_Like what? – Clyde _

_About you and Kyle. – Craig._

_How did you figure it out? – Clyde._

_Someone texted me and sent me a picture of you two kissing, if you want to stay my friend then you better dump him! – Craig._

I smiled because I knew that Clyde would dump Kyle if it meant that our friendship depended on it.

_No, I'm not going to dump Kyle; I love him more than anything. – Clyde. _

What! I thought to myself, I totally did not expect that, Clyde had more balls and will power than people give him credit for.

_I thought you were my friend. – Craig._

_Friends don't give friends ultimatums. – Clyde. _

The tardy bell then rang but I didn't care, breaking Kyle and Clyde up was more important.

_I want to die every time I see him, seeing him with you makes it even worse, dump him or I'll kill myself. – Craig._

I knew it was a cheap shot to play the suicide card, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

_Don't do this Craig, please. – Clyde. _

_Dump him then, if you really cared about me you would dump him. – Craig._

_But I love him so much, he's my light, I don't know what I would do without him. – Clyde. _

_Fine, do what you want, but remember, when I die it's going to be on your head! – Craig._

_Fuck, stop acting so melodramatic, I spent my whole life being afraid of you when you're nothing but a weak willed sack of shit who is trying to threaten my relationship because you're insecure. - Clyde. _

I gasped out at what he had just texted me, I could not believe that Clyde had actually sent that to me. I then decided to turn things a bit towards Kyle.

_Fine, I won't kill myself, but if you don't dump Kyle, I will get someone to kill him. – Craig. _

_What the fuck? Why the hell would you do that? You're lucky I'm not in Florida right now or I would be beating your ass! – Clyde. _

_I told you, he makes me sick, I don't want him around us and I don't want him dating any of us. - Craig. _

_Then don't hang around us, oh and by the way, if you ever threaten to hurt Kyle again, I will show this conversation to the police and don't think I won't. I am letting you slide this time because you were once my friend but not anymore. I love Kyle and NOTHING is ever going to break us up. – Clyde. _

I screamed internally when I read it before throwing my phone against the wall. I was glad it didn't break; it was a Nokia so I didn't exactly expect it to. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket, I knew that I had to think of another way to break Clyde and Kyle up if I ever wanted Kyle to be mine.


	3. Psycho Notes

My heart started pounding in my chest when I saw Kyle enter the Home Economics classroom, but my attraction was soon turned to jealousy when I saw Clyde enter behind him.

"Hi." They greeted in unison. Great, they were only together in public for half a day and they were already speaking together.

"Hey bros." I replied, trying to keep up the surfer dude act. Kyle narrowed his eyes in my direction before shrugging and taking their seats.

"Why are you talking strange?" He whispered to me.  
"I heard that surfer guys are in these days, I just want to fit in you know? It's hard being the new kid and not having any friends." I whispered back. Kyle smiled at me with understanding and put his hand on mine. I felt a jolt of electricity pass through my body, his hand was so soft and warm, and it was heaven.

"Greg, can you come wash these bowls out in the washroom?" Ms Bing said handing me two yellow mixing bowls.

"Sure." I replied. When I went into the washroom, I walked over to the sink and was surprised to find a piece of folded up paper sticking out from behind the mirror. Setting the bowls down in the sink, I reached out and pulled the piece of paper out from behind the mirror. I usually hated excitement, but something in my brain kept telling me to look at the paper. I was surprised to see it was folded up, a bit crookedly, as if the person folding it was in a hurry. I unfolded it carefully and peered down at the nearly illegible handwriting, it was as if the person was also in a great hurry when they were writing it. I sat down on the floor in the corner of the restroom and began reading.

_Dear Anyone,_

Okay, so writing a page for no one in particular, but why was it sticking out from behind the mirror? Who was the kid hoping would find it? I stopped thinking about it and continued reading again.

_The students and teachers here a freakin idiots, I mean so what if he has a tan and bleached hair, it's easy to see that Greg isn't who he says he is._

I stopped reading when I reached my pseudonym, I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest, and someone was onto me. I continued reading so I could figure out who it was.

_It doesn't take the sharpest tool in the shed to see it is Craig Tucker, even with his fake surfer guy dialogue; it's easy to tell it's him. He has the same scar above his left eye, he stares after Kyle like a long lost puppy the way Craig always did, and he keeps slipping up on his dialogue. _

I stopped reading again, this person, whoever they were, had been studying me closely for a while. That scared me a bit, that someone had been pretty much stalking me and I had never even known it. I took a deep breath and started to read again.

_I can honestly say I have no idea why Craig is doing this; maybe he invented a new identity so he could finish Kyle off. After Kyle, he may go after Stan next, who knows what he has planned. _

I yet again stopped reading, I didn't think it was Stan, he didn't seem the type to do things undercover like this, but now I had confirmation.

_Craig scares me, the way his steel grey eyes bores through you with no emotion just leaves me with a fear that strikes deep in my gut. I really hope that someone braver, tougher, and stronger than I am can figure this out. I hope that someone can solve the mystery and get rid of Craig Tucker before he gets rid of us. To whoever finds this, get rid of Greg, unless you're someone like Butters then don't bother. This is urgent._

The writing ended right there and I chuckled a bit to myself, this person was terrified of me and he wanted to get rid of me. It was a bit ironic how I had been the one to find the paper. I was going to figure out who it was and I was going to get rid of him before he could expose my secret to the school. I was not going to let anything come between Kyle and I, a saying once said that love makes you do crazy things. I guess I am a bit crazy, crazy in love.

"Took you long enough." Ms Bing said flatly when I had re-entered the classroom.

"I got lost." I lied. Ms Bing sighed and before I could reach my seat, the bell rang.

"What's the real reason you took so long?" Cartman demanded while we were walking to History and I started telling him about the note. He stopped and started stroking his chin while he was thinking.

"Let's ditch, Mr Cork won't even notice, we can talk at Shakey's Pizza."

He said finally. I readily agreed and followed him outside. The cool air hit me like a ton of bricks; I knew I should have brought a jacket.

"You're shivering like you really are from Florida." Cartman commented before taking off his jacket.

"What are you doing?" I asked when Cartman handed it to me.

"Giving you mine since you forgot yours." Cartman said with a slight shrug. I thanked him and put it on. I welcomed its warmth and smiled a bit. I was still confused on why Cartman had lent me his jacket though; he had never done anything nice for me before. Then I remembered; he was helping me pull off this whole Greg thing. When we reached Shakey's Pizza, we quickly walked over to a table and started to talk while we waited for someone to take our order.

"Do you have any idea who it might be?" I asked.

"The hand writing looked a bit messy you say?" Cartman replied. I nodded,

"It was like they were in a hurry."

"Do you still have the note with you?"

"I ripped it up and flushed it down the toilet; I didn't want to risk getting found out by someone else. Cartman then let out a long sigh.

"We might be able to have used it to decipher the hand writing or something." I hung my head in shame, mad at myself that I hadn't thought of that.

"Just keep a look out if they leave any more notes and don't get rid of the next one." Cartman said before turning to the waiter to tell him that we wanted a large pepperoni pizza, a glass of iced tea, and a glass of soda.

"I started making a suspects list." I said stirring my straw in my tea after the waiter had brought us our drinks.

"Who is on it?" Cartman asked.  
"Honestly, it's people who it can't be, it can't be Stan or Butters because they're mentioned in the note, and it can't be Kyle because he's blind. Clyde writes like a girl, he dots his I's with hearts and all that, Token writes in perfect cursive, Bebe writes big fancy letters, Wendy writes neat tiny letters." I stopped and looked over at Cartman; his face looked like it was in deep concentration.  
"What are you thinking?" I asked putting my hand on Cartman's arm. It might have been my imagination, but I could see a light blush appear on his face.

"I'm just thinking about how they might have disguised their handwriting." Cartman coughed out, like he was embarrassed about something. I mentally face palmed myself for not thinking about that.

"You're right; I mean it could be anyone besides the people mentioned in the note." I said with a sigh. After we had finished our pizza, we got up and started to walk back to the school.

"Thanks for letting me use your jacket." I said with a smile.

"No problem, I have to go disinfect it now since you got your stupid germs all over it though." Cartman said irritably with a slight eye-roll. I didn't understand what was up with him, one minute he was being nice and helpful and the next he was back to being a douche. When I entered the school, something caught my eye, stuck in one of the chairs by the principal's office was a piece of paper like the one that had been sticking out of the mirror in the washroom. I quickly snatched it up and started to walk quickly down the hall and let myself into the janitor's closet. The janitor's closet was a small musty area that smelled like a wet mop. I cursed when a broom fell and whacked me in the head as soon as I sat down after pulling on the long chain string to turn the light on. When I unfolded the piece of paper, I was surprised to see that a photograph had fallen out. I picked it up and what I saw would haunt me for the rest of my life, it was a picture of Cartman and I at Shakey's Pizza, my hand was on Cartman's arm and Cartman had a light blush on his face. My stalker had been in the very same room as me when I was telling Cartman about them. I swallowed the lump that had grown in my throat and started to read the note, the hand writing was the same was the first note had been.

_I saw Craig and Cartman together at Shakey's Pizza not too long ago, they were having a pretty serious conversation, and I should have known Cartman was in on this. That fat ass has been making everyone's lives a living hell for as long as I could remember. He is probably plotting with Craig to take us all out. It makes me wonder who else is helping him, I don't think Clyde is, I like Clyde, he's nice and he gave me a stuffed pig once._

I stopped reading and let out a light snicker, my stalker liked stuffed pigs? I made a mental note to remind myself to ask Clyde who he had given a stuffed pig to. I then sighed when I remembered that he didn't know that I wasn't really Greg and that I couldn't tell him about the notes. I sighed and started to read the note again.

_Craig is even more dangerous with an ally, that fat ass made some kid eat his own parents once. Those two are psycho; I just want someone to get rid of them. If anyone is reading this please, get rid of them before they get rid of us. _

I rolled my eyes when I finished the note; this kid desperately wanted us gone. As I started to stand up, something triggered in my brain which forced me to sit back down. It was a memory, of the third to the last day of school, in grade nine. Someone was asleep with their head on their desk and they were using a stuffed beanie pig as a pillow. I remembered the person waking up and looking around the room before taking off his orange hood and running his hand through his dirty blond hair. My stalker was Kenny McCormick.  
It all made sense, he was always hanging around Kyle and the others, not many people noticed him so it was easy for him to stalk someone without being seen. I quickly ran out of the janitor's closet to find Cartman to tell him about Kenny. I found him a few minutes later in the cafeteria; he was feasting on macaroni and green beans. I sighed; he had just got through eating pizza.

"Hey dude." Stan greeted me when I waked over.

"Hey man." I greeted back, I almost couldn't help letting out a sigh when I saw Clyde feeding Kyle, and he kept kissing him in between bites.  
"Get a room you sick fags!" Cartman shouted out.

"Shut up fat ass!" Kyle retorted.

"Make me you fucking Jew!" Cartman screeched out with his face turning red.

"Fuck off Cartman." Clyde muttered, throwing Stan's roll which ended up hitting Cartman on his head. Cartman stood up in a huff and picked up his bag.  
"Screw you guys, I'm going home." He muttered before walking out of the cafeteria. I sighed because I knew it would have to wait before I could tell him about Kenny.

"Can I talk to you?" Stan whispered after Cartman had left.  
"Sure." I said and we started to walk out to the school yard. I had no idea why I had agreed to talk to Stan; I guess so I could get away from the two love birds, the pizza I had eaten kept threatening to come up at the sight of them.  
"What's wrong?" I asked sitting on the ground outside the school.

"Kyle's changed, I mean Clyde is making him happy while he's out in public with him like this, but when he's not around Clyde, he's not like he used to be." Stan muttered softly.

"How did he change?" I asked, I guess I didn't spend enough time around Kyle to get what Stan was talking about.

"He used to be so full of life and he always had a witty retort to throw back at Cartman, but now it seems like he barely even cares to fight with him anymore. He always seems so tired and depressed, he never wants to hang out like we used to. At his house, his parents treat him like he's not even there, they're so pissed at him for losing his sight because it ruined his chances of becoming a doctor or a lawyer like they always hoped." Stan's voice started to crack as he continued speaking.

"I hate Craig so much for what he did to him, I know he's your cousin but I seriously hate him. Kyle loved to paint; he painted the most beautiful pictures too." Tears were falling free from his eyes now. As he continued to talk about Kyle's paintings, I could feel the guilt dig deeper and deeper into my stomach. It made me sick, I wished I could go back in time and stop myself from ever throwing that glass but I knew I couldn't. I knew that my only hope to get Kyle into my life is if I pretended to be Greg forever, but even then I would still feel the guilt. Just as I was about to reply, Clyde came storming out of the school looking absolutely livid.

"What's wrong?" I asked to Clyde's shaking form. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides and his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

"I need to talk to Stan, it's about Kyle." He said through clenched teeth. At the sound of his name, Stan looked over at Clyde.  
"What's wrong dude?" He asked after he managed to compose himself.

"Come see this." Clyde muttered grabbing Stan and dragging him towards the school. I decided to follow them because I was curious about what Clyde had to say about Kyle. I hoped that Clyde was mad because Kyle had dumped him. I followed the two boys into the washroom and smiled lightly when I saw Kyle sitting on the sink playing with a stress ball.

"Hi baby." Clyde said softly, all the anger that I had seen in him on the school yard was gone now.

"Where did you go?" Kyle asked.

"To get Stan." Clyde muttered before kissing Kyle softly.

"Why?"

"Remove your shirt please; I think he needs to see this." Clyde said with a light sigh.

"No, it's cold." Kyle replied.

"Just for a minute, Stan needs to see this." Clyde pleaded.

"Please, you're my super best friend, you can show me anything." Stan pleaded along with him. Kyle sighed and started to slowly take off his shirt. My stomach and heart both lurched at what I saw. Kyle's torso was covered in dark bruises and you could count his ribs through his skin. When he turned around, you could see even more bruises on his back, what chilled me the most though were the whip marks, and the fact that I could also count the bones in his back.

"What happened to you?" Stan asked sobbing pitifully.

"Nothing." Kyle replied angrily before putting his shirt back on and stomping out of the washroom. Clyde and Stan went to run after him, but I stayed behind to think about what I had just seen. I didn't get to think long though because Cartman's large bulk entered the room.

"I need to talk to you." I said as soon as I saw him.

"Sorry I left earlier but those guys just piss me off!" He said angrily.

"I know who the stalker is." I said with slight excitement.

"Who?" Cartman asked.

"Kenny." I whispered, in case he might be listening. Cartman shook his head,

"It can't be Kenny, he died after we got off the bus earlier, and he doesn't come back until sunrise the next day."

"Dammit!" I shouted before punching the wall, it hurt my knuckles like a bitch.

"Idiot." Cartman muttered.

"He got a picture of us at Shakey's Pizza." I said, ignoring Cartman's comment.

"Why is he leaving his little notes where anyone can find them? Doesn't he think about the fact that I might find them? Oh wait; I AM the one finding them." I continued to rant on.

"There are two ways we can go about this, one, your stalker knows you hate excitement and you don't like to explore things so he figures that you will just ignore the notes. Two, your stalker knows that everyone else here is too dense or daydreams too much to notice the notes, your stalker knows that you aren't the kind to daydream though so you would notice the notes right away."

Cartman said after a few minutes of pondering. I thought about Cartman's second reason before replying.  
"Why would he want me to find the notes?" I asked.

"It's simple, he's trying to scare you, he knows he has the upper hand and he's trying to use it against you."  
"Then why does he keep pleading for help?"

"He's using reason one for that, he is pleading for help in case someone else finds the notes, he doesn't want to do it himself, so he is trying to get someone else to do it for him. He is more intelligent than I previously thought, either way you look at it he has the upper hand, if someone else finds it, then you risk your secret being exposed, when you find it, you turn into a nervous wreck."

"I do not turn into a nervous wreck." I interrupted him.

"Yes you do, you keep looking over your shoulder and jumping at every little noise."

I sighed because I knew he was probably right.

"I wonder if anyone else has seen the notes." I then said. Cartman shrugged,

"If they have they obviously don't care that you're really Craig."  
"How do I get them to stop?" I sighed; I really didn't want anything to completely ruin my chances of being with Kyle.  
"You have to get rid of the source of the notes, you have to find whoever is writing these and get rid of him. I started to say something when the bell began to ring.

"I'm pretty sure it's time for Gym." I said instead of what I was going to say. Cartman groaned and brushed himself off.

"Let's go." He said with slight irritability. We left the washroom and started heading towards the Gym.

**Third Person POV: **

After the two boys left the washroom to go to Gym, another boy stepped timidly out of the stall, he was extremely shocked at what he had just heard.

**A/N: I noticed my chapters keep getting shorter and shorter; I will try to make the next one longer though. I also almost didn't do the note thing, because it might make people think of Pretty Little Liars like the blind Kyle thing did, but it seemed like one of the most exciting ways to add conflict on Craig's secret identity part. **

**Thank you all for reviewing. **


	4. Kenny's Secret

I was tying my shoes when Stan came bursting into the locker room looking extremely pissed off.

"What's wrong? Did your Jew boyfriend decide to skip out again?" Cartman snickered. I looked around the locker room and I noticed that Kyle wasn't there.

"No Cartman! Coach Jennings said I couldn't be on the team anymore because I have asthma and it's all because some kid all the way in Connecticut died out on the field as a result from asthma!" Stan shouted out angrily.

"Isn't there a law against that?" Token asked.

"Your father is a lawyer Token, why don't you tell me?" Stan asked glaring at the dark skinned boy who was holding his hands up defensively.

"Hey man, I was just asking, besides, isn't your boyfriend's dad a lawyer too?" Token retorted. I had to stifle a laugh at this, Token hated Stan almost as much as I did.

"No, but my boyfriend's dad is a lawyer." Clyde said; he had just arrived with Kyle in tow.

"Where were you guys?" Stan asked rushing over to hug them both. Great, now that Clyde had gone public with Kyle, he and Stan were acting like be – eff –effs, could my life get any worse?

"After you got called in to talk to your coach, Kyle and I had a little talk about the issue we had in the washroom." I heard Clyde whisper.

"Is he okay?" Stan asked.

"I'm fine." Kyle said with annoyance.  
"Get your asses out here ladies! It doesn't take you that long to fix your hair and make-up!" Coach Bianchi shouted. I took a deep breath, yesterday Coach Bianchi wasn't here so we had a substitute. I heard stories about how Coach Bianchi pushed kids so hard that they ended up puking blood. When we walked out on the gym floor, Coach B started lining us up on the half court line.

"I bet you're all wondering why I lined you up here!" Coach B barked.

"I coach baseball, gymnastics, and basketball and I need people on my team, I know many of you are already on a sports team but it won't kill you to join another. I am not going to spend my time coaching juvenile games!" Coach B continued in his booming voice.

"I got kicked off the soccer team for having asthma." Stan spoke up.

"I don't care what kind of sissy problems you have! You're going to be on one of my teams whether you like it or not!" Coach B yelled in Stan's face, causing Stan to pale and shrink back like a scared little mouse.

"Now, I am going to go down the line and examine you to see which one of my sports teams you will be good for."

Coach B then went down to the end of the line and grabbed the first kid, Kevin.

"You look like you will be good for baseball." Coach B said after eyeing Kevin up and down for a few minutes. Kevin let out a sigh of relief; he probably thought Coach B was going to say he'd be perfect for gymnastics since he's Chinese.

Coach sighed when he reached Timmy and Jimmy,

"I suppose you two can be the water boys for the baseball team."  
"T-that sounds like a s-splendid idea, S-sir." Jimmy stuttered out.

"What about Kahl? He's blind." Cartman asked.  
"Do his limbs work?" Coach B snapped, he hated when kids spoke out of turn.

"Yes." Cartman replied.

"Then he can play one of my sports!" With that, Coach Bianchi continued to put people on his teams. He put Clyde, Token, and Stan in baseball. His eyes widened when he reached me.

"How tall are you?" He asked with shock and slight admiration.

"Close to seven feet I think." I said, remembering the shoe things Cartman was making me wear.

"You are PERFECT for basketball!" He exclaimed happily. So far, Butters, Cartman, and I were on the basketball team.

"You look like you'd be good for gymnastics." Coach B told Tweek.

"Gahh! That is way too much pressure man!" Tweek screeched out while tugging on his shirt.

"You have to learn to work under pressure if you want to succeed in life, kid!" Coach B shouted out, half of me wondered if he was related to our old bus driver, Ms Crabtree. Coach B let out a short laugh when he reached Kyle.

"A little petite aren't we?" He asked with a slight sneer.

"I guess I'm a bit under the average height range." Kyle muttered looking down.

"What? Did your parents feed you microwavable Weight Watch dinners?" Coach B said with an evil laugh.

"Back off!" Clyde yelled out angrily, he had his fists balled up by his sides, as if he was going to strike Coach B.

"You go to the office right now! Don't you ever yell at me again!" Coach B yelled out with his face turning dark red. Clyde gave Coach a dirty look before walking over to Kyle and kissing him lightly,

"I love you." He said before walking out the gym doors to go to the office. Coach rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Don't do your lovey dovey fag shit around here! I have a right mind to call your parents and tell them all about this! You are tainting my gym with your disgusting homosexuality!" Coach yelled right in Kyle's face. Kyle's eyes then filled up with tears and his shoulders started shaking lightly.

"Oh, are you going to cry now? Is it because you're a fairy? Are you crying because you're a SINNER?" Coach continued yelling in Kyle's face.

"Leave him alone." Stan said angrily, he was almost as angry as Clyde was.

"Stay out of this! Your lungs hate you and so do I!" Coach yelled out at Stan. I had to chuckle lightly at this, Stan has always been sensitive about his asthma, even more now that he couldn't play soccer.

"How the hell is this guy even able to be working at a school? Isn't there some kind of law about teachers talking to students this way?" Token asked. Token is like that, he is always asking whether or not something is against the law even though his dad is a lawyer.

"Do not talk about me like I'm not even here you spoiled rich brat!" Coach yelled out. I widened my eyes in surprise; he seemed to know all of our weaknesses. Token was about to come back with a reply when the bell started ringing.

"Midget kid, you will be on the gymnastics team." Coach told Kyle before telling us all to get the hell out of his gym. As soon as I walked out the door, I noticed that I had forgotten my backpack.

"Dammit." I muttered to myself as I started heading back into the gym. What I saw when I stepped through the doors made me gasp out in shock, Coach Bianchi and Tweek were sharing a passionate kiss.

**Stan's POV:**

I was walking over to the bus when Kevin came rushing out to me.  
"Stan, I need to talk to you!" He panted out, damn he ran out of breath fast.

"What?" I asked impatiently, I didn't want to miss the bus again.

"It's about Kyle; I overheard something in the bathroom before gym." He said. Oh great, he knew about what Kyle was going through at home.

"Look, we will do something about Kyle's parents okay? Don't worry about it." I said.

"It's not about that it's-"He started to say.

"I have to go; I don't want to miss the bus."  
He said something else but I was too far away to hear what it was. The next day at school, the hallways were buzzing with excitement.

"Attention students, everyone go to the auditorium." The loudspeaker boomed. I wondered what was going on; we only went to the auditorium when something major was going on.

"What's going on?" I asked Wendy, she was in front of me in the line leading to the auditorium.

"Didn't you watch the news this morning?" She asked. I shook my head, I never watch the news.

"Kevin Stoley's body was found last night by an old couple walking their dog." She said with a twinge of fear in her voice. I opened my mouth in shock; Kevin had just tried to tell me something yesterday. When we entered the auditorium doors, the teachers told us to take a seat and the principal stepped up to the microphone.

"I'm sure many of you have seen the news already and have heard about the sad fate that has befallen your fellow classmate." He started, most of the other students were busy texting on the cell phones or gossiping to listen, no one really liked Kevin that much. He was a nice kid; he was just a mega nerd.

"A murderer is on the loose!" The principal boomed out causing me to focus my attention on him yet again. I could hear gasps go around the auditorium, I'm guess I'm not the only one whose attention was caught by what he said.

"I don't want anyone walking out alone, I want you all to have a buddy when you go places, is that understood?"

"Yes." We all said in unison.

"Good, now you may go to class." The principal said. As I was walking out the door, something caught my eye; something was hanging from the top of the door by a string. My heart stopped in my chest and I could feel the bile rise to my throat when I realised that the thing hanging from the door was a human nose. Also attached to the string was a note that said:

_Kevin just couldn't keep his nose out of other people's business. _

I let out a blood curdling scream before everything went dark and I collapsed on the cold hard floor.

**Cartman's POV:**

I was looking through my backpack for my Science book when I heard the scream. When I turned to see what happened, I could see the stupid hippy lying on the floor with teachers already starting to surround him. The principal quickly ran back up to the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"Everyone listen up! It seems that the murderer is here in this very school, I want you all to go to the basement, we are going to be on lockdown!" He said urgently. Some students started crying while others started screaming and running around like a turkey with their heads cut off. It took the faculty members about ten minutes to get them to calm down enough to lead them to the basement.

"Oh sweet Jesus! What if they kill us while we're in the basement?" Tweek yelled out, he was twitching harder than ever before.

"Don't say that!" A girl snapped. When we reached the basement, the principal had us sit against the walls. I rolled my eyes when I saw that the stupid Jew was sitting in Clyde's lap.

"Stop trying to jump each other every chance you get you sick fags!" I yelled over in their direction.

"Shut up fat ass!" Kyle's retorted followed by Clyde flipping me off. I could hear Craig grumble something about Clyde stealing his trade mark.

"Everyone settle down, as you know there is a murderer in this building, they may be in this very room!" The principal boomed out causing Tweek to emit a loud scream. I rolled my eyes, why couldn't the murderer have murdered him too? I then started making a list of all the people I'd want him to murder, Kyle, Tweek, Butters, Token…

"I have to pee." Clyde then interrupted.

"Alright, but take a buddy." A teacher said.

"I have to go too." I exclaimed jumping up before Kyle could have the chance to say anything.

"Alright, but be back in ten minutes." The teacher said letting us out before locking the door back behind us. We walked in silence for a few steps before I grabbed Clyde's hand and started running my fingers over his knuckles, he blushed slightly before smiling at me. When we reached the washroom, he quickly pulled me inside and started kissing me passionately.

"I feel a bit reluctant to kiss you seeing as you've had your lips on that dirty Jew rat." I said pulling away from him.

"Kyle isn't that bad, he's a little prude, but he's not that bad." Clyde said and he proceeded to attack my mouth again.

"When are you going to dump that stupid fag?" I asked with a small bit of anger, Clyde and I have been secretly dating for four months now and he kept saying he was going to dump Kyle but he never did.

"I don't know; I feel kind of bad for him, I mean after what I discovered recently, I don't like the idea of him being alone." Clyde said looking down sadly. I scoffed at this,

"He and Stan are practically attached at the hip; he's probably fucking him behind your back."

"That would be a hot fuck." I heard a slightly high pitched voice say behind me, I turned around and found myself looking at Kenny.

"The fuck Kenny? What are you doing here?" I asked, wondering how he got out of the basement.

"I missed the bus; I had to sneak in through the window." He said pointing at a small window in the top left wall of the washroom. Since Kenny is pretty scrawny and he is the third shortest boy in the school, it was probably easy for him to fit through it. Everyone expected Kenny to be tall since his dad is one of the tallest men in South Park, but malnutrition and his mother's short genes stunted his growth.

"Where is everyone?" He then asked.

"You don't know?" Clyde asked in shock. Kenny shook his head and then looked at us.

"I saw you two kissing, I thought you were with Kyle." He said to Clyde.

"I am I just-." Clyde started to say before bursting in tears.

"Now look you did you poor piece of crap!" I yelled at Kenny. Kenny held up his hands in a defensive state and took a small step back.

"I will make you a deal." He said.

"What?" Clyde asked wiping his eyes while I just narrowed my eyes at him.

"I need a favour." He said. I sighed and rolled my eyes, the poor piece of shit was probably going to ask for money or stupid pornos.

"I'm not giving you any money Kinny!" I said glaring at him. That would put him in his place.

"I don't want any money, Butters has a crush on Kyle and I want you guys to set them up." He said. I opened my mouth in shock, I hadn't expected this. I also didn't know what to do; Craig wanted to be with Kyle too. I then thought about it, if Kenny told Kyle about Clyde then Kyle would dump Clyde and if Kyle got with Butters then they were going to break up anyway.

"No deal." I said finally. Clyde then stared bursting into tears again,

"But then Kyle will think I'm a bad guy because I'm cheating." He sobbed out.

"It's okay Clyde, like Kahl will believe Kenny." I said putting my hand on his back to comfort him. I wished that Kyle would believe Kenny though, and then I could get that stinking Jew out of our relationship once and for all.

**Craig's POV:**

I looked and saw Cartman and Clyde enter the room with Kenny behind them; Clyde looked like he had been crying. Normally I would have been concerned and mad at whomever had made him cry but recent events caused me to chuckle out loud. I looked back over to where Kyle was unsuccessfully trying to teach Butters how to read Braille. I could feel a jolt of jealously course through my body each time I saw Kyle put his hand on Butters' to show him how to trace over the bumps. With the light blush that appeared on Butters' face, I could tell that he enjoyed Kyle's touch maybe a little too much.

"I'm back, Sweetie." Clyde said putting his arms around Kyle's waist and kissing his cheek. I couldn't help but to start grinding my teeth at the sight of them, that was supposed to be me holding Kyle, not Clyde!

"Shut the fuck up you stupid poor piece of shit!" I heard Cartman yell out angrily, the next thing I knew, Kenny was on my lap.

"You didn't have to push me fat ass!" He screamed back at Cartman.

"What's going on man?" I asked even though I didn't really care, those guys were always getting into stupid fights. Kenny then whispered for me to come to the washroom with him.

"Didn't you just get back from there?" A teacher who had noticed Kenny walking in asked.

"I have a very small bladder and I drank a lot of water on the way here." Kenny said.

"I don't think it's fair to take another student's turn do you? I mean what if someone else had to go? Do you think it would be fair for a student who has already gone to go instead of them?" The teacher asked.

"Pleaseee!" Kenny whined, and he started to do a small dance that emphasized how bad he needed to go.

"Fine, but take a buddy with you." The teacher said rolling her eyes.  
"Come on." Kenny said grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door.

"What's going on?" I asked when we reached the washroom, I once had a crush on Kenny, back in the third and fourth grade, but after the Peru incident, I found myself liking Kyle even more. I still liked Kenny as a friend though, a very good friend. I would probably still like him as more if Kyle wasn't in the picture.

"Crai- Greg, I need advice." He said.

"What did you call me?" I asked in shock, I could have sworn he started to say Craig.

"Greg, I said Greg." He replied with what looked like a hint of fear in his eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him and flipped him off.

"Be honest." I said with slight anger, maybe Kenny really was my stalker.

"I know you're Craig." He said after a few moments of silence. I then growled and slammed him against the wall.

"So you're the one that's been leaving me those notes?" I said through clenched teeth, pulling him off the wall and slamming him back against it a few times.

"NO STUPID! I FOUND A NOTE!" He yelled out. That caused me to stop dead in my tracks an stare blankly at him.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I asked in shock. Kenny sighed and looked down for a few moments before replying.

"I didn't tell anyone because I like you Craig, I really like you, but I know that you like Kyle and I know that if he found out that you were really Craig then you'd never have a chance with him. I know that being with him will make you happy, and seeing you happy means the world to me." He said softly, I was surprised to see tears running down his cheeks. I didn't know what to say or do so I just stared at him blankly while he continued to cry. I then remembered what we had come there for.

"What did you want to tell me?" I then asked. Kenny wiped his eyes and sniffled a bit before replying.

"Clyde is cheating on Kyle." He said. I felt happiness, anger, and surprise rush through me all at once, how the hell could Clyde cheat on someone as amazing as Kyle?

"With who?" I gasped out.

"Cartman."

I almost started busting out laughing; Clyde was cheating on me with that fat ass? I then felt anger start to boil up inside of me, Cartman knew a way this whole time that would break Clyde and Kyle up but he failed to share it with me. I knew he wasn't really my friend, he was probably just doing this so he could see Kyle suffer, I was stupid to not have realised it sooner.

"Are you okay?" Kenny asked putting his hand on my arm. I didn't feel a jolt of strong electricity when he touched me like I did with Kyle, but I did feel something.

"I'm fine; I just can't believe that Clyde would cheat on someone as amazing as Kyle."

"I know, especially with Cartman." Kenny chuckled out.

"Why are we all in the basement? I missed the bus so I came to school late." He then said.

"Didn't you see the news?" I asked. Kenny shook his head,

"Dad broke the TV in one of his drunken fits two nights ago."  
"Kevin Stoley was murdered, and then after the meeting in the auditorium where the principal was telling everyone about what had happened, Stan found Kevin's nose hanging from the top of the door with a note, everyone then concluded that the murderer was in the school, planning his next attack." I said looking at Kenny who had his eyes opened wide in shock.

"Was the note left by the same person who was leaving notes about you?" He then asked. I shook my head,

"That note was typed up, my stalker usually writes his by hand."

Kenny then surprised me by throwing his arms around my middle and burying his face in my chest.

"No one is going to stalk my Craigie-Poo anymore; I'm going to find out who this guy is and take him out." Kenny cooed. I rolled my eyes and let out a slight snort. Even though I was a bit annoyed at what Kenny had just called me, I was more elated by the fact that I had someone I could trust on my side, someone who was going to help me find out who my stalker was.

"Thanks." I muttered.

"Want to help me find out who the murderer is too? I mean he might be connected to your stalker in some way." Kenny replied. I sighed and nodded, deep down I knew that I wanted to know who had taken my classmate's life just as bad as anyone.

"Great." Kenny said smiling up at me before releasing me from his hug. As I stepped out of the washroom, I closed my eyes and thought about how much I hated mystery and excitement but now I was trying to solve three mysteries, who my stalker was, who murdered Kevin, and how to convince Kyle of Clyde's infidelity. There was also the feeling of my long dormant feelings for Kenny starting to build up again. Greg Birch's life was a lot more exciting than Craig Tucker's and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.


	5. Locked In

**A/N: Sorry for the wait and sorry for the short and horrible chapter.**

**I've been having severe writers block with this story and it's just ugh. **

**Hopefully I will get my mojo back soon, I hope. **

**Kyle's POV:**

"Hey, can I talk to you?" I heard Kenny say, after hanging around him most of my life, I was easily able to identify him by his voice.

"What about?" I asked standing up off of Clyde's lap.

"You might want to sit down." I heard Greg then say, I was starting to get used to his voice too. I couldn't shake the lingering feeling that I got in my brain whenever I heard it though, like there's something I should know but I can't grasp it.

"What's going on?" I asked, starting to feel a bit fearful; it's never good news when you're told that you should sit.

"Clyde is cheating on you; I caught him and Cartman making out in the washroom." Kenny said all in one breath. I felt anger course through my body, Kenny has always had a crush on Clyde, and I had never imagined he'd lie to break us up though.

"You're lying." I said angrily.

"No I'm not! Ask Clyde!" Kenny shouted, he sounded almost as angry as me.

"Clyde, is it true? Are you really cheating on me?" I asked.

"Of course not! I love you, I would never cheat on you, and I would die before I even dreamed of cheating!" Clyde exclaimed.

"I knew you were lying! Don't ever talk to me again!" I yelled in Kenny's direction, I then told the principal that I needed to use the washroom.

"Can I go too?" Butters asked.

"Yes, but be back in ten minutes." The principal said. Butters and I then were let out of the basement and we started walking towards the washroom. I sighed when I felt him hook his arm around my waist.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm just helping you find your way."  
I sighed again, I was sick of people treating me like I was an invalid. Just because I'm blind doesn't mean that I can't get around the school on my own.

"Thanks." I muttered; I really wasn't in the mood to be fighting with another friend.  
I wasn't sure if I considered Kenny my friend at the moment, what he did was unforgivable.

"We're here." Butters said cheerfully, most people would have thought he was pretty damn happy arrive at the washroom, but Butters always sounded cheerful.

"Not so fast." I heard a voice say behind us.

"W-what do you want?" Butters stammered out, he seemed pretty fearful. Instead of hearing a reply, I heard the sound of a gunshot and then the sound of something hitting the ground.

"Are you okay, Butters?" I asked. When I didn't get a reply, I started yelling for help.

**Craig's POV:**

As soon as I heard Kyle yell for help, I knew something serious was wrong. He wasn't the type to usually ask for help. I quickly followed the principal and Mrs Tallow to see what Kyle needed and I felt sick to my stomach when I saw Butters lying on the floor with a large puddle of blood around his head. What made me feel even more ill was the fact that Kyle was standing in the blood and he didn't even know it.

"What's going on here?" The principal demanded.

"I heard a shot and then someone hit the floor and now Butters isn't replying, I think it was him." Kyle said with his voice shaking, he looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"Do you think it was the same person who killed Kevin?" Stan asked.

"I know who killed Kevin and Butters." Cartman said pushing his wide girth through the crowd of students who have begun to surround Butters' lifeless body.

"Who?" Everyone asked.

"It was Kenny, he was apparently late for school because he missed the bus but I think he was really hanging up Kevin's nose." He replied.

"That's stupid Cartman, Kenny wouldn't kill anyone." Stan said. I thought about it for a while, Cartman did have a point, plus Kenny knew who I was and didn't want anyone else to know, it was a perfect motive to kill anyone who found out about me and tried to tell someone else.

"It wasn't Kenny." Kyle said softly. I was surprised at this; I figured after their fight that he'd be more than willing to place the blame on Kenny. Cartman scoffed at this,

"What do you know you stupid Jew?"

"Leave him alone!" Clyde yelled.

I wanted to punch him in his face, I couldn't believe that he was cheating on Kyle with Cartman and he was pretending to hate Cartman just so he could save face. People like him make me sick.

"The voice was female, I know Kenny's voice is kind of high pitched but this voice was one hundred precent female." Kyle said. The crowd gasped out at this, I figured none of them expected the murderer to be a female.

"Are you sure? I mean you could be wrong." Wendy said biting her lip nervously; I knew that she was probably thinking about how Henrietta, Bebe, Nichole and Annie all didn't come to school today.

"I'm one hundred precent sure." Kyle said with slight annoyance. Kyle gets really upset when people question what he knows; it's just another thing that makes me love him more though. I was back to square one when he said it was a female, I had no other suspects besides Kenny and he was already knocked off the list of suspects. Then I got to thinking, what if the murderer had an accomplice? Just then, I heard Token say that he found a note laying on Butters' chest.

"What does it say?" I asked curiously.

"It says, 'Butters tried to take what didn't belong to him.'" Token replied.

"What does that mean?" Stan asked.

"I don't know, but Kevin and Butters' murders are definitely linked somehow." Token replied looking closely at the note.

"You see guys, this is what happens when you let someone go off with Kahl; they end up getting murdered." Cartman said. I expected Kyle to reply with a comeback but he just stood there quietly looking down.

"Are you okay?" I asked placing my hand lightly on his shoulder.

"Cartman's right, if I could see then I could have stopped her from killing Butters, this is my entire fault." He said with his eyes filling up with tears.

"No it's not; if you had tried to do anything then you both would have gotten killed." I said as I started to rub his back soothingly.

"Better me than him." He muttered. I was almost tempted to flip Clyde off when I could see him glaring at us. I couldn't believe the nerve that guy has! I mean he's able to cheat on Kyle with his worst enemy and then lie to him about it but he gets mad at me when I try to comfort him. I couldn't wait until they accidentally let it slip that they're seeing each other; I doubt they'd have the decency to just come out and tell Kyle the truth.

**Secret POV: **

I watched Craig as he comforted Kyle, I felt bad that he was unknowingly letting one of the people he feared the most get that close to him; I didn't say anything though. I tried to get someone to tell Kyle about Craig by leaving little notes around, but I also knew that Craig had been finding some of these notes. I didn't mind though, they seemed to set him on edge. Some students were standing around the hall in shock while others were crying and screaming. The principal was calling the ambulance to come get Butters, I knew it was too late for him; he had been shot at close range in the back of the head. I was sad that Butters had been murdered, I had grown fond of him over the years that I knew him, a lot of people thought he was a bit dorky and whiny, but I thought he was pretty nice. I would have went after him if he didn't like Kyle, it seems like everyone likes Kyle. Even though I am a bit jealous, I don't feel any ill feelings towards him, I just wished that someone would like me.

"Move it!" Cartman yelled shoving past me. My eyes widened in shock when he started kissing Clyde right in front of everyone.

"What was that for?" Clyde asked with shock.

"You're my boyfriend Clyde! Stop blowing me off for the stupid Jew rat!" Cartman belted out angrily. I looked over at Kyle whose mouth dropped open in shock.

"It's true?" He said with disbelief.

"Yea Jew boy, Clyde and I have been fucking every night!" Cartman taunted. I sighed when I saw Kyle's eyes fill with tears, he was weak, and I suppose I am too.

"I'm sorry Kyle." Clyde muttered.

"Three years! I nearly gave three years of my life to you and you go and cheat on me with that fat ass?" Kyle screams out angrily with tears pouring down his cheeks.

"I probably ruined a friendship for you!" He continued to yell out. Clyde was about to reply when Stan pushed him to the ground and started punching him in the face.

"How could you fucking cheat on him? He's amazing and beautiful and the best you will ever have! Are you really that fucking stupid?" He screamed out. I wasn't surprised when Clyde started crying. I suppose I would too though if I was being beat up by Stan Marsh. Stan usually doesn't get mad but when he does it's like a hurricane, earth quake, and tornado all in one.

"Mr Marsh you will get three weeks detention for beating up Mr Donovan." The principal said after he had pulled Stan off of Clyde.

"Why can't you just suspend me for a week like the other kids who get into fights?" Stan groaned.

"No one is leaving the school until we find out who the murderer is; all of the doors and windows have been locked, I have already notified your parents." The principal replied.

"What if it takes the whole night?" Wendy asks.

"It can take weeks; no one is leaving this school until that son of a bitch is found."

I couldn't help but to smile, with the drama between Clyde, Cartman, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Craig, staying in the school was sure to be exciting.


	6. The Death of Greg Birch

**Craig's POV:**

I couldn't help but to let out a slight chuckle at Clyde who was holding a bloodied tissue up to his nose.

"What's so funny?" He asked in a nasally voice.

"Just the fact that you got your ass beat by an animal loving pacifist." I snorted. I hated Stan Marsh, I really did, but I had to admire what he had done to Clyde.

"He caught me by surprise; I could have totally taken him." Clyde defended. I shook my head and turned around to look at Kyle; he was crying and I felt a jolt of jealousy go through me when I saw that Stan had his arms around him to comfort him.

"Do you think they're going to get together?" Cartman asked me. I didn't reply; I was still mad at him for being with Clyde all this time and not telling me.

"You can't ignore me forever _Greg_."

I looked at him and glared, I hated how he had the upper hand; I hated how at any time he wanted to; he could expose my secret to Kyle.

"I don't think they'll get together." I muttered trying to convince myself as well as Cartman.

"I'm not so sure about that, Stan has loved Kyle for _years_, but he's too afraid of his reputation being tainted to do anything about it." Cartman said.

"If he's more concerned about his reputation, then he doesn't deserve Kyle." I said casting a glare in Stan's direction. I knew that if he wasn't so self-conscious, then he could have Kyle in his arms in no time at all. I mean, in a relationship sense, not in a comforting sense like he was doing now. Just then, Mrs Tallow came in carrying out our literature books.

"Weak dude! We have to do school work when a murderer is on the loose?" Cartman groaned when he saw the books.

"I figured that reading would help you take your mind off of it." Mrs Tallow said handing us our books despite the groans and protests of the other students. When I opened my book in shock, I gasped at what I saw, inside was a note much like the ones my stalker had been leaving me.

_Dear whoever has this book this hour,_

_I think Craig/Greg might have ties to the murderer, I think he is paying someone off or threatening them to do his dirty work, it seems like the people that has gotten killed has known who he was or has tried to take what he wants. I suspected that Clyde probably would have been next if the outburst between him and Cartman hadn't have happened. Please tell Stan to watch his back, I think he is getting too close to Kyle for Craig to like._

The letter ended right there and I started wondering how my stalker had found the time to go write the letter, I figured he did it in the mist of all the chaos that was going on. I then wondered how he knew that Mrs Tallow would be bringing our books here; I also found it strange who the note had ended up in my book. Was my stalker even a student here at all? Was he even human? I quickly stuffed the letter in my pocket before anyone could see it and I started to read _The Most Dangerous Game. _I remember one time hearing Stan say that this is his favourite story in our book because the hunters get a taste of their own medicine. I peered over to where he was sitting and sure enough he had his book open to the same story.

"Hey." I heard someone say; I turned around and saw Wendy sitting there with her book on her lap.

"Hi." I muttered back, I hadn't really talked to Wendy since I had changed my identity.

"You look a lot like your cousin." She whispered.

"Do I?" I asked with mock surprise.

"Yes, if I didn't know any better I would figure that you guys were the same person." She said.

"How do you know we're not?" I asked smugly, using some sort of reverse psychology. If I had acted on the defensive side, then Wendy might have suspected something, but joking about it made me seem like I was innocent, if that makes any sense.

"Well for one you're not bitching about Stan every five minutes." She said as if that proved her point.

"Does Craig really bitch about Stan that much?" I asked in shock, I hadn't realised that I had.

"Yes! It gets pretty annoying to be honest, I mean Stan doesn't deserve it, he's a really nice guy."

"He didn't seem very nice from the way he punched Clyde."

"He was defending his best friend." Wendy said strongly. I sighed because I knew that if I said anymore, she would go off on one of her protesting rants. I remember in grade seven when she and Kyle's mother had spent months protesting sugary cereals in the cafeteria. They ended up winning their case to the horror of students everywhere. Now we were stuck with plain Cheerio's and Frosted Flakes.

"Do you think Stan and Kyle will get together?" I suddenly found myself asking.

"They might, not now, but they will in the end, those two are destined to be." Henrietta said answering for Wendy.  
"What are you doing here?" I asked; I was shocked to see her after Wendy had said she was absent.

"I was at the dentist; the stupid principal came and pulled me out right as I was in the middle of a tooth cleaning, Bebe, Nichole and Annie are here too." She replied.

"Why weren't they at school?" I asked.

"What are you? Someone's over protective father?" Henrietta replied. I rolled my eyes slightly and started thinking about what she had said about Stan and Kyle, were they really destined to be? Would I ever get the chance to feel his love? To hold him in my arms and to let him feel my love? As I was thinking, a crumpled up piece of paper hit me in the head knocking me out of my daze.

_Greg,_

_Worried about someone stepping up on your man? Maybe you should do something about it._

_From,_

_Eric._

I rolled my eyes and sighed, I was fed up with Cartman and all his shit, one minute he seemed to be on my side and the next he was acting like his normal douche self. I then started to wonder if he had something to do with the letters I kept finding that were threatening to expose my secret, how else would the stalker had known we were going to Shakey's Pizza?

_Eric,_

_Be honest with me, do you have anything to do with the notes I've been finding?_

_From,_

_Greg._

I saw his round stomach jiggle a bit as he laughed reading my letter.

_Greg,_

_Do you honestly think I would go through all that hard work to out you and not take any of the credit for myself?_

_From,_

_Eric. _

I groaned because he had a point, Cartman wasn't the type of person to do anything if he didn't get any recognition for it, even if it was a good for bad thing.

"Everyone come out to the auditorium, a student here has something he wants to share with everyone that might help us find out who has been murdering your classmates." The principal said before I could write my reply to Cartman. I could hear gasps and whispers buzz around me, I knew that my classmates were both excited and nervous to hear what this person had to say. When we reached the auditorium and we were all sitting, I was surprised to see Tweak walk out onto the stage.

"I have an idea who has been murdering my classmates." He started, I was surprised to see that he wasn't shaking or anything, I guess from spending all that time down in the basement, he hadn't had any time to go get coffee.

"I have been leaving notes around hoping for someone to find them, I also left them in hopes that _he _would find them and they would scare him off before he had a chance to do any real harm."

I looked up at him in shock; Tweak Tweek of all people had been my stalker? I realised now that the sloppy writing wasn't because he was in a hurry, it was because of his shaking.

"Who is it?" Someone yelled out from the crowd.

"He's…" Tweak started to say but before he could get any words out, gunshot rang through the air and I heard the student body gasp out in shock as Tweak hit the floor. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw blood leaking out of his head, when I looked over I felt even sicker by what I saw. Kyle was standing there; he was slowly lowering the gun back down to his side.

"What? How?" I croaked out finally managing to find my voice, the other students were still too shocked to say anything.

"A few weeks before school started, I took money out of my college fund to have an eye operation, they fixed my sight." He started.

"I loved you; I figured that if people knew who you really were, they'd try everything in their power to break us up. That's why I pretended like I couldn't recognise your voice, that's also why I asked Cartman to give you the idea of pretending to be your own cousin." He continued.

My mind started reeling at his confession, Kyle had loved me and he and Cartman were actually working together on something?

"What about Clyde?" I asked.

"I paid Cartman to seduce him; I didn't want to seem suspicious by just up and dumping him before he had done anything wrong."

"You knew this whole time that Clyde was cheating on you, you had set it up and you still yelled at me for trying to tell you about it?" I heard Kenny ask.

"I did it to save face, I'm sorry Kenny." Kyle replied.

"You murdered those people?" I then found myself asking.

"Yes, I heard Kevin almost tell Stan about what he had heard, so I did the only thing I could do and I got rid of him."

"Why did you kill Butters?" Kenny asked.

"He had a crush on me; I didn't want to hurt him by rejecting him."

"Oh, I'm sure _killing _him didn't hurt a bit." Kenny retorted with a shot of sarcasm. I then noticed how calm and cool Kyle had seemed as he was telling us his story, I felt like vomiting for the third time in the past ten minutes when I saw the wicked smile that had spread across his face. I then started to realise that Kyle wasn't the person I thought he was; he was a monster.

"I can't believe you killed them." I muttered.

"I did it for us! I did it so we could be together without people trying to interfere." He said.

"You're crazy." I said shaking my head.

"I love you." He protested with tears welling up in his eyes.

"I don't love you, you're a demented freak." I said with malice dripping on my words. Instead of replying, Kyle pointed the gun at his own head and pulled the trigger.

**Three Weeks Later**

After what had happened with Kyle, I decided to go back to being Craig; I was tired of all the secrets and the lies, besides; blond hair didn't suit me anyway. I walked into the school that had reopened after what had went down and saw memorials for Kevin, Butters, Tweak, and Stan. After losing Kyle, Stan had hung himself in his garage. I was surprised that he still loved him despite everything that he had done; I guess Henrietta had been right; those two were destined to be together. I felt a strange wave of sadness overcome me when I saw that there wasn't a memorial for Kyle. It disappeared as soon as it had come though. I looked over to see Bebe and Clyde holding hands, they had gotten together shortly after Clyde realised that Cartman was just setting him up, I was surprised at how unaffected by all of this he was. I started to see him as a friend again though, I was honestly glad now that he had been dating Kyle when I pretended to be Greg, it saved me the trouble of having to date the lunatic myself. I was surprised at how much my classmates didn't care that I had been pretending to be my cousin, I guessed that they were too shocked by the murders more than anything to really pay any mind to it.

"Come on, let's go play Tether Ball." Token said with Jimmy at his side.

"Okay." I said before turning around to look back at the memorial. I was surprised to see a fifth frame with a picture of a boy with blond hair, grey eyes, and tanned skin it in. On the plague it read 'Greg Birch.' I quickly rubbed my eyes and when I looked again, the picture was gone. I then flipped off the memorial and ran outside to play with my friends. Greg Birch was dead and I was free to be myself again.

**A/N: I guess this is the end, sorry that it ended so abruptly but I was just running out of ideas for what to do next. I'm also sorry that there wasn't much lovey dovey stuff in it. I really hoped you all enjoyed it and that I didn't disappoint you too bad. **

**Thank you for reading. **


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